" THE   ZERO   GUIDE "

Now available: the always titillating "FRETBUZZ" software! **NEW**

NOW FORM A BAND

If you have yet to form a band, here are some tips and tricks for ya. Sage advice handed down over the generations:

1. Band mates can be your mates - a.k.a. good friends. Respect the group; respect your friends. You may have a leader in the group, but treat yourselves as equals. You can make great music and have fun while doing it. Blah blah I'm preachin'!

2. If you can't hear your ripping solo over the others in the group....? then just turn yourself up. Your amp will need to go to 11. Take it from this guy:

Nigel Tufnel of Spinal Tap.
D minah is the saddest of all keys.

3. Watch out for lead singer-itis. While it's not necessarily contagious, it can poison the whole group and bring you down.

4. If you don't naturally move with your music when performing, that's OK. Please don't fake it and force your body to "groove" against its intuition. It usually doesn't work well, unless you're into comedy, you could look worse than if you're just stiff as a board - i mean suave and collected. (And we all know image is everything - hahahah it's a joke why aren't you laughing...)

5. Headbanging will lead to a stiff neck the next day. Sore neck muscles indicate that you're building muscle and getting stronger. Thus, you will be able to headbang with even more endurance the next time.

6. If people dig the music you're making, that is cool. If they hate it - that's cool too, you could let them hate it. Maybe, what you really don't want is indifference.

7. Don't change your music as part of a marketing strategy.

8. Beware of large record labels, their big loans and lengthy contracts.

10. THE END.